Email: angels_1970@yahoo.com
Rating: Some cuss words
Disclaimer: I so don’t own any of these characters. Joss Whedon and Co. own them. Maroon 5 owns the song “Not Coming Home”. It’s from their “Songs About Jane” CD
Spoilers: None really. Up through S5 Buffy and S3 Angel just to be safe.
Feedback: Yes, please. It’s been a while since I’ve written
Distribution: Anyone that already has my stuff, and my site, “Gunnin’ Down Angel” http://angel.wicked-raine.com
Summary: It hurts loving someone who doesn’t love you.
Dedication: To Gabrielle. I know you like W/A fics. Here is my second one. Also, to KallieRose, Midnight, Elisabeth, and all of the really great people who haven’t forgotten me.
Author’s note: Total angst. They say write about what you know.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She always played by his rules. His rules or nothing at all. And she let him use her when he wanted for however long he wanted. Angel made sure Willow was there when he wanted her to be and not a moment longer.
He called her when he wanted her to go to LA. She went without hesitation every time. And when he was done, he made up some excuse about a really tough case that he needed to get back to.
He wasn’t over Buffy. She knew it. He’d never be over Buffy. It didn’t stop her from loving him.
It all started with a trip to Los Angeles. Everyone worked well together and Willow’s wicca expertise helped immensely. After the initial fight was over, Willow and Angel stayed up in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel all night talking about everything and nothing. By early morning, he’d walked her to her room, and kissed her goodnight. It didn’t stop there and they were together the entire day. She felt so safe in his arms.
After that, any time Angel called with an “emergency” that only Willow could handle, she’d go to him. He’d sleep with her, and the next morning, tell her she needed to get home.
~~~~~~~~~
When you refuse me you confuse me.
What makes you think I’d let you in again?
Think again, my friend
Go on misuse and abuse me
I’ll come out stronger in the end
~~~~~~~~~
So, Willow would go back home to Sunnydale knowing she wouldn’t get so much as an email, let alone a phone call from him. It hurt, and she wondered why she let him treat her that way.
Today, he’d gone too far. He showed up in Sunnydale to help the Scooby gang with a particularly difficult demon. He barely talked to her, except to collect information from her research. He had no problem whatsoever hanging on to every word the slayer said.
‘I don’t deserve this,’ she thought to herself once again. Only this time, she did something about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does it make you sad to find yourself alone?
Does it make you mad to find that I have grown?
I bet it hurts so bad to see the strength
that I have
shown.
When you answer the door or pick up the phone
You won’t find me ‘cause I’m not coming home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After they had figured out a way to defeat the demon, and the slaying was done, everyone decided they needed lots of sleep.
Willow got a ride home from Xander and Anya while a very surprised dark haired vampire watched them leave.
Less than half an hour later, she was at home and had just left the shower when she walked back into her childhood bedroom.
He stood on the balcony looking through her French doors. Willow walked to the doors and opened them.
“Hey.” He said.
“Hey yourself.” She replied. “What are you doing here?”
“What?” the vampire asked dumbfounded.
“I said, why are you here?” She repeated.
“I thought…”
“You thought what?” she interrupted. “That you’d come over here and get your easy, convenient piece of ass because I’ve let you use me for 6 months now?”
Angel’s jaw dropped. “I…uh, Willow, let me explain.”
“Actually, it’s okay. You don’t have to.” The redhead stated. “I’m not blind, Angel. I know you still love Buffy and you always will. You can’t help that.” The Irish vampire looked away for a second. She knew he wouldn’t deny it. She continued. “You don’t want us to be any more than we are now. Which is basically, you treating me like your personal fuck toy.”
Once again, the vampire was speechless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don’t want to say
But have to say them anyway.
I would do anything to end your suffering.
But you would rather walk away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So, I’m going to make this as pain-free as possible.” Willow said without waiting for him to respond. “I love you.” She said with tears threatening to spill. “But, I refuse to be your consolation prize, Angel. I deserve better than that, and you know it.”
“You’re right.” He finally said as he took a step forward. She took a step back.
“Then show me that you really believe I deserve better. Please don’t call me or try to be with me anymore.”
She then closed the doors and the curtains and went to sleep feeling bad that the man she loved would never really love her, but happy that she regained her self respect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does it make you sad to find yourself alone?
Does it make you mad to find that I have grown?
Does it hurt so bad to see the strength that
I have
shown?
When you answer the door or pick up the phone
You won’t find me ‘cause I’m not coming home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End